So it’s hard to start this off without a small warning that some experiences while adventuring are truly disgusting. Ever since I left the states I had a rock hard little zit in my earlobe. I never thought it was that big of an issue until after I realized that it was growing around Blankyre, Malawai.
Having had a similar experience while raft guiding with Adventure Bound River Expeditions, I knew relatively what to do. Leave it alone because I want to snorkel in Lake Malawai. Interesting fact, freshwater lakes that are balanced along the equator are not only unique habitats for incredible diversities of fish, but also bacteria as well. My lobe was never open while in the lake so no worries there. Except for maybe, the skin worms that can eat your brain if you don’t take the right meds!
I was preparing to get on a Dala Dala (minibus) from Nkhata Bay on the upper northwest section of Lake Malwai and had to go through the difficult “see you later’s” that occur so often when meeting so many interesting people while traveling. It is truly hard to find so many amazing places and then go through packing your bag again. I had to catch a train out of Mbeya, Tanzania by Saturday so I had to move.
The ride was pleasant and uneventful for the first hour or so, until my ear had started to hurt. At that point I had to switch to another bus that became intensely crowded. My seat was in the front row all the way against the right hand side window. Sometimes this is a wonderful place for a tall guy, but this time a new imaginary row was added facing to the back effectively turning a four seat row into an eight seat row. This distracted me from my ear enough to try meeting some of the people I was intimately snuggling with without much of a choice. I was also rather happy about being against a window because then I could check my thumb knuckle sized boil on my right ear lobe.
Well I don’t know if anyone else has had a really annoying zit or ingrown hair and had the irresistible urge to toil with it, but this desire was unquenchable. So after I had met John to my left, Benjamin to the front, and Ungwa (I think) to the back I gave an ever so gentle squeeze. Well that action led to a reaction that could not have happened at a worse time. I was dirty in a very dirty place and now had a large hole in my ear that was draining puss and blood. Yay Africa! I grabbed my ever present toilet paper roll and prepared to drain the boil before I could wash it. The thing about REI travel rolls is that the paper is extremely thin. Hopefully you can’t see what is going to happen next because I’m rather glad that I didn’t.
I applied pressure to the wound a bit more aggressively and the contents evacuated in response. The small amount of paper was apparently not prepared for the barrage and the disgusting missile took flight completely unknown to me. In claustrophobic spaces accuracy is not something to brag about but due to the contents and the landing zone this is one moment I won’t forget. The majority of the insides of my ear cavity soared through the air and landed directly between and a little above Ungwa’s eyes. Still this was not known to me as I thought I had contained the collateral damage.
I was then surprised by a nonviolent but firm slap that brought with it gifts much different than skin. My fingers ran across my face to assess the now coagulated, dripping wet beard. I found the leftovers of my boil and the horror of the moment was… well I guess you would have to be there. As I whipped my hairy face a glob with the diameter of a dime ended up all over my hand. I can’t imagine what was running through Ungwa’s mind after and during the incident. Out of shear terror I avoided asking suspending any contact after I am so sorry. My mission still was not yet complete, but I learned to double up on the TP. My ear was successfully drained and now after a good swab of alcohol and a band aid I was off to Livingstonia for a 10 km hike!
P.S. I partially blame Mark Shoberg for the inspiration to blog about this.
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